


Harlequin Dreams

by lulocia



Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-21 04:29:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 116
Words: 7,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14908349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulocia/pseuds/lulocia
Summary: I just want to shed my tears,And bare my face,To a world that is real.But I can only live my ideals through my dreams.-Poetry Collection





	1. Alone

**Alone**  
This world has lost it's gleam.  
Like your old hoodie, we tear at the seams.  
Wrapped in it, protected from the world of snow.  
With nothing more than faded memories to show,  
Where we've been or how we've survived.  
With no proof of what is real and what is lies.  
'At least we have each other', I turn to say.  
But there in silence, alone I lay.


	2. Reckless Love

**Reckless Love**  
Now your body is wrapped in my arms,  
Limp and lukewarm in the summer night.  
Why did we run with no plan, with no sight?  
We could have avoided harm.  
I kiss your lips, dull and doomed,  
All over your body, covered in mud.  
Rub it softly, hands soaked in blood.  
I cried and cried until death loomed.  
The one who's doomed is me, not you.  
Mud traced around your face gives way to my bloodied fingertips.  
Vision fades as my head dips.  
My arms give way, as we are torn in two.  
The one who's free is me, not you.


	3. On the Other Side

**On the Other Side**  
Green is a tiring color.  
When it's all you see, over and over.  
In this forest of great splendor  
Green becomes a constant cover.

We escape to the jungle of concrete,  
Walk the streets of pavement,  
Step into buildings we thought could only be made of sand.  
And realize that gray is just as bland.


	4. The Red Hood Trilogy

**The Red Hood Trilogy**  
 _The Monster_  
Burst through the mirror, In tune with glass shards,  
The monster swallowed her whole, Crushed her like a house of cards.  
Inside out, inner demons shown.  
Now that they too could see the monster, She realized she was better off alone.

_The Girl_  
Startled by the shattered mirror glass,  
And the seething wound on her hand.  
Balled into a fist by the insecurities that massed,  
And her dreams that slipped away like sand.  
Who is the one that everyone sees?  
Is it the girl or the monster?  
Which one does she truly want to be?  
The hunted or the hunter?

_The Red Hooded Howler_  
All she wanted to be was her better self.  
A beast with the beauty of her inner wealth.  
A girl whose inner flame surges.  
A red hooded howler with courage.  
A monster of mischief and madness.  
A woman of strength and kindness.  
Accepted her sides, dark and light.  
The pain and anguish, pushed out of sight.


	5. Life's Dares

**Life's Dares**  
How can we fly with the weight of our yesterdays?  
Grounded, ball and chain, in this maze.  
We can pretend it's not there.  
We can sever and swear,  
Scars say, thread with care.  
But we can never stop taking life's dares.


	6. Kinda

**Kinda**  
Chasing headlights 'cause I like the gleam.  
Kinda got tired of hiding the tears in the seams.  
Guess I'm kinda immature cause I like to play pretend.  
Guess I'm kinda optimistic if I think a heart's something I myself can mend.  
Guess I'm kinda lonely cause I feel like I'm my only fan.  
Guess I'm kinda creepy cause I'm holding the air with my hand.  
Pretending that someone's there, But I'm kinda just some freak pretending not to care.


	7. Lonely

**Lonely**  
She's just there and she never walks away.  
The only constant in a world that sways.  
She reaches out and she just holds me.  
Tells me tomorrow will be better, you'll see.  
I feel like she's my only friend,  
The only one who will look for me in the end.  
I look to her, eyes wet, 'Am I crazy?'  
She stares back from the mirror and says, 'Crazy lonely, maybe.'


	8. Friends

**Friends**  
I don't want to be vulnerable, so I don't make friends.  
I don't see the point, all they do is pretend.  
They say they like you, best friends forever.  
But won't hesisitate to trade you in for someone better.  
When you're alone and upset, no one cares.  
But you have to care for her numerous affaires.  
Because if you don't, then you're a bad friend.  
And it doesn't matter if you're used till the end.


	9. Shadow

**Shadow**  
Sometimes I wonder what shadows really are.  
If they're really us or a projection of the scars we've marred.  
A darker self that follows you so very closely.  
An embodiment of inner demons or something negative, mostly.  
Is it my imagination or is my shadow bolder?  
And my attitude, colder?  
The monsters, I do not fear.  
But the shadow that lurks ever near.


	10. E.V.O.L

**E.V.O.L.**  
A heart full of longing.  
One sided mourning,  
For something I've never had.  
Like a leech, it drains me.  
But this path, I follow obsessively.  
For something that will never be mine.


	11. Something I Don't Deserve

**Something I Don't Deserve**  
Me, myself, and I, greedy and masochistic.  
The longer I think of you, the more I feel sick.  
I hate myself for wanting what I can never have,  
Just when my wounds have begun to scab.  
Just being around you, I am unnerved.  
Having you is a privilege, something I don't deserve.


	12. Butterfly

**Butterfly**  
Butterfly, fly away.  
From this existance of darkness and dismay.  
From this fate that tore you from kin.  
From this place of bullets and sins.  
From people who took away your ablilty to sing.  
From this world that tarnished your wings.  
May peace follow your journey to dawn.  
To a place where hopefully sorrow is gone.  
Wherever you go, let your kind heart never again sway.  
Butterfly, fly away.


	13. Boundless

**Boundless**  
Running with no care, help me get there.  
Breathe a new day,   
Boundless.  
Even with my stone heart and clipped wings.  
I will fly,  
Regardless.  
It's not a choice, even without a voice,  
I will try,  
Relentless.  
Till the day, I can float away,  
I will lie in wait,  
Restless.


	14. Disheveled

**Disheveled**  
I think you could have saved me.  
But I didn't want you to see.  
Everything that was wrong with me.  
It'd be a shame if that smile went away because I'm not there.  
I just think it would be cool if you cared.  
I know I'm vain, thinking that it would matter to you if I just faded.  
But right now, I can't afford to be jaded.


	15. Angel

**Angel**  
I had a dream about you bathed in morning's glow.  
You could end me with just that face, you know?  
Honey rays dancing off your frame.  
You're like an angel, you should feel ashamed.  
That you choose to lie with a demon like me.  
But I'm nothing to you, you see.  
I'm just a demon in hell, yearning for your saving grace.  
I'll do anything for you, even put a mask over my face.


	16. Hurricane

**Hurricane**  
I breathe you in,  
And lose you as easily as exhaling.  
Boy of air, whirling wind,  
You are the ache in my lungs.  
Stay, stop killing me slowly.  
Stay, don't leave so quickly.  
Instead, you wreck me like a hurricane.


	17. Impossible

**Impossible**  
Sometimes it feels as if you are here,  
But that's impossible and so are we.  
I've been longing all this time,  
Despite your heart belonging to another.  
Before I lie, I always wish to wake to you,  
But I know it's impossible, and so are we.  
I would love to leave this fruitless endeavour.  
I wish I could wrap my mind around it;  
I wish I could tell my heart no.  
But taming them is impossible and so are we.


	18. Signs

**Signs**  
I try to look for signs,  
I try to look for the universe's blessing  
That somehow, someway, in some life,  
There's a way for us.  
Even if its just seeing your name on a passing sign,  
Or hearing it in a mumbled conversation,  
I want to hope that every little sign is the universe pushing me,  
Encouraging me to tell you how I feel about you.


	19. Pedestrian Life

**Pedestrian Life**  
I take my clothes to the local laundromat,  
And toss them into the washer,  
Then sit and think about you,  
And how even a mundane thing like this,  
Could be so much better with you.

You could tell me about your day,  
Or whatever game you just played,  
While I sit, hand on cheek, watching your lips,  
Curve into that gorgeous grin.  
Then your eyes center on me, waiting for my reply,   
But opposite of you is me, in awe of your beauty.  
As you lean to kiss me,  
And the washer screams for our attention.

I open my eyes, and it's only just me reflected,  
In the glossy white of the washing machine.  
I guess I was just destined for the mundane, pedestrian life,  
As I watch you love another from the other side.


	20. Moon's Masochist

**Moon's Masochist**  
I'm a masochist.  
I crave your light, when it is already belongs to her.  
Am I not the moon who watches from afar,  
Only visible through the little light that reflects?  
And is she not the Earth, that blossoms under your love?  
Oh if only she and I could switch roles, my Sun.  
Then I could dance under your rays.


	21. You're Not Here

**You're Not Here**  
It's a solemn emptiness in my heart,  
But I fear if I don't let you go, I'll lose my sanity.  
I can't keep hurting myself,   
Wondering what it would be like to have you near.  
You're not here.  
You are not here.


	22. Coward

**Coward**  
Sleepless nights yield sadden thoughts,  
Of how I had so many chances,  
And squandered them all away.  
I don't even have the right to be angry,  
Because I was too afraid to move.  
In a way I deserve my fate,  
For being a coward that was too late.


	23. Tsunami

**Tsunami**  
Droplets dot my cheeks.  
And before I know it,   
I'm standing waist deep in the flood.  
Caught in the deluge of emotion,  
My tears become too heavy.  
I feel as if I can't move,  
As the tsunami approaches me.

I had returned what was borrowed long ago,  
Back to nature, as it was before.  
I was the maiden of water,   
Now part of the sea once more.


	24. Variables

**Variables**  
I don't want my heart to break.  
So I stop feeling for sanity's sake.  
You're a variable I can't predict.  
I don't know how you tick.  
I don't know if you are real.  
Though surely your love has appeal.  
I 'm scared of this and what I'm getting into.  
But I just don't want to let go of you.


	25. Fork in the Road

**Fork in the Road**  
It's amazing to see how our lives went,  
After we went our separate ways.  
Your's flourished,   
While I faltered.  
I guess you were always the luckier one.

I don't feel regret,  
I feel this is how it should have ended.  
You getting a degree,  
While I stayed behind.  
You are not who you were before.  
And neither am I.


	26. Far Away

**Far Away**  
I guess you just feel so far away now,  
When you used to be so close.  
I'm just another girl in the crowd,  
Watching you as you move.  
I'm frozen as the crowd rages,  
Whispering to myself, 'Where do I go from here?'  
I try not to feel alone but I'm lonely.  
You've already gone so far without me.


	27. Lone Nobody

**Lone Nobody**  
I love that intense discomfort,  
When talking to strangers.  
I'm just a lone nobody,  
Attempting to form a connection.

The older I get,   
The more I realize,  
What's the point in wasting time?  
It's best I walk alone.

But I can't defeat a feeling,  
Saying stuff like,  
Wouldn't life be better,  
If I could have someone who liked me too?


	28. Where Demons Dwell

**Where Demons Dwell**  
I don't expect your words to reach and quell.  
Where the monsters deal and dwell.  
Just melt with me, make the light a ware you sell.  
Won't you take my heart in exchange to help with this hell?  
Then maybe for the night, the demons will dispel.


	29. The Giving Tree

**The Giving Tree**  
It's all about what I can provide.  
Like there's nothing going on inside.  
Like I'm just meant to abide,  
By rules that were never mine to decide.


	30. Lucky

**Lucky**  
We're not the luckiest.  
Nor the chosen.  
Just simply existing,  
In a world gone frozen.


	31. Shooting Star

**Shooting Star**  
Like a shooting star,  
I'll keep tumbling until I burn out.  
There's no use in looking up,  
When you're free falling out of the sky.  
Some say I was grounded too early.  
But I think it's been just enough time.  
I never got to shine, but I'm used to being dull.  
There's no point in staying in a sky where you're just invisible.


	32. Star Child

**Star Child**  
I'm a star child.  
Blessed with the ability to dream,  
And an imagination so wild.  
Thinking that one day I could be something,  
Comforted by sugar coated daydreams.  
Living life through rose tinted virtual reality,  
Of fantasies that will never come true.  
Why is reality tinted so blue?


	33. Chicken Little

**Chicken Little**  
Heart filled with greed,  
Headway into paranoia.  
Butterfly kisses with his ivory vixens,  
Sit straight like he pleases.  
When he tires of them,  
He retires to his Earthen goddess,  
Who waits calmly in the dusk for his touch.  
Lust burns so brightly,  
Permeating in the cold night,  
And once more, he feels her light.  
He never goes a day in between,  
Just to cope with the sky falling.  
Chicken Little,   
When did you become so afraid of gravity?


	34. Little Highs

**Little Highs**  
I feel those little highs,  
Not between your thighs,  
But by the way you smile,  
When you're enjoying something worthwhile,  
That you can't find in a sinner's lifestyle.  
I'm just glad to see you,  
In your true colors.  
Even when you're red or blue.  
I find those little highs in you.


	35. Songbird

**Songbird**  
Hey Songbird,  
Play that tune for me.  
I'll write to that beat.  
I'll sing to it too.  
Probably blow your eardrums.  
But you'll know what I'm feeling is true.  
Maybe one day you'll write for me too.


	36. Secret Lowlife

**Secret Lowlife**  
Quiet girl, secret sunshine,  
In the crevice of your mind.   
Chick on the left side,  
Staring out the window.  
Got a lot going on inside,  
But you never see her talking.  
Ghost girl, secret lowlife.  
Disappeared and forgotten.


	37. Doesn't Matter

**Doesn't Matter**  
Tears like acid rain,  
Burning on my face.  
They say it's a curse to feel this way.  
It's a curse to feel at all.  
What's the point in playing the angel?  
It doesn't matter at all.


	38. Prison

**Prison**  
Rust against palms in the summer sun.  
Tiptoes straining on concrete.  
Another set so far away.  
It hides behind the hillside.  
Out of my sight for another night.  
Where the demons take its place in my head.  
This is my prison.

My mistakes were too heavy.   
With no guidance to hold me,  
I fell into the notion,  
That I was doing right.  
Now my sentence is set,  
So far from the sun I am.  
This is my prison.  
This is my bed.


	39. Worth the Wait

**Worth the Wait**  
The girl behind her veil,  
Obscured by her words,  
Guarded by her walls,  
Chained by her mistakes.  
Was I worth the wait?

I ask because when I look at you,  
Even with your faults,  
To see you smile,  
Still sends my stomach into summersaults.  
To hold you close, noses touching,  
Feeling your warm breath across my face.  
You were definitely worth the wait.


	40. Dirtied Hands

**Dirtied Hands**  
When others were more intrigued with the mask,  
The man underneath fell into submission to popular opinion.  
A porcelain identity built to keep others at bay.  
And to cover what he thought was bland.  
But he told himself that to reach the stars,  
Required dirtied hands


	41. Sinner

**Sinner**  
Tip of the tonic dances on his lips,  
As his hand glides down my hip,  
And I am his little puppet.  
He pulls on my strings,  
His eyes darkening,  
And this is only one of many sins I sing.

Incubus, night demon.  
Visits me only in my dreams.  
What kind of fool am I,  
To want to keep you past daylight?  
What kind of lady am I,  
To never want you to leave?  
Surely there is a special place in hell,  
For a sinner like me.


	42. Rabbit Hole

**Rabbit Hole**  
Hit my head on my pillow so hard,  
It causes a concussion.  
And I'm out for the day,  
Down the rabbits hole to play.  
I know it's a dream because you're talking,  
And it's directed at me.  
Welcome to the world of make-believe.

Like the way your lips move when you speak.  
It's heavenly, voice like a melody.  
I even like it when you grab my hand.  
Even though it's clammy.  
Can even feel your arms around me,  
Like a warm blanket.  
But I'm from the school of thought,  
That nothing lasts forever.  
So I say my farewells.  
Another day awake,  
Before the alarm can take you away.


	43. Words

**Words**  
Like an incantation,  
Your words matter so.  
So don't use more than you need.  
But say enough for your words to take heed.


	44. Wrong Life

**Wrong Life**  
Tired of playing pretend,  
With my imaginary friends.  
But my reality won't take shape.  
It's why I try to run from my fate.  
There isn't a point, no divine intervention.  
I can't continue living only through a world of my own invention.  
I can't keep dreaming to escape strife.  
It's killing me because I'm living the wrong life.


	45. Poetic Renaissance

**Poetic Renaissance**  
In the midst of a poetic renaissance,  
You're the muse that keeps inspiring.  
But you're hemispheres away from here,  
In a society that craves intimacy.  
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like,  
To know you up close.


	46. Eclipses

**Eclipses**  
Eclipses are the closest we come,  
And even then we are thousands of miles apart.  
You're out of reach,  
In a system that separates us.  
Though even if we were to meet,  
Who's to say you wouldn't hurt me?  
I guess I'm safer here, cold but burn free.


	47. Pauper

**Pauper**  
Paupers can't promise pearls,  
Diamonds or the world.  
Only gold I can offer is my heart.  
And even that is tarnished and falling apart.  
I can only offer broken things,  
I know it's not a fair trade.  
But I hope it's enough, cause money is tight,  
To stop you from leaving and saying goodnight.


	48. Faceless

**Faceless**  
How much do we know about each other?  
Just a faceless man in my bed,  
As I run my hand across your chest in the still darkness.  
What kind of demon are you?  
Even though you feel so human.  
If you thought I was an angel,  
You are sorely mistaken.  
So far from perfection am I.  
So for tonight, let's just lay with our lies.


	49. Cry

**Cry**  
I'd be nice to cry,  
In someone's arms.  
Someone who makes me comfortable,  
With being vulnerable.  
I'm just falling apart.  
And it would be nice to feel,  
Close to something real.


	50. Happiness

**Happiness**  
I keep having dreams in my childhood home,  
Where all my cares melt away.  
There I start to feel a tinge of happiness.  
And remember that I can still feel this way.


	51. Complex

**Complex**  
These people don't know you,  
And all the good that you do,  
And all the good that you are.  
They just rely on the shallow perception  
Of a complex organism,  
That they can't even begin to understand.


	52. Content

**Content**  
You can't control what others think,   
But you can control what you put out.   
So just make sure,  
It's something to be proud about.


	53. Dreamlover

**Dreamlover**  
Thank you for loving me.  
And all that you do,  
To make me feel special,  
And let me know that I matter to you.  
You could have been with anyone else.  
But you picked me.  
I'm so happy,  
To have you as part of my fantasies.


	54. Repeat

**Repeat**  
I could be in the middle of Times Square,  
Or down in the Florida Keys.  
I could be in Venice, Barcelona or Belize.  
But all of it means nothing if you're not with me.  
Now I'm just a record stuck on repeat.


	55. Pixel Perfect

**Pixel Perfect**  
If you could measure love in pixels,  
I guess I'm quite gifted.  
Faces blurred out by time.  
Interactions etched out in numeric rhyme.  
I'm not the mastermind,  
But I'm the master of time,  
In a world completely made of bytes and lines.


	56. Stuck in Your Yesterdays

**Stuck in Your Yesterdays**  
I'm stuck in his yesterdays,  
When I could be his tomorrow.  
I'm all caught up in the beauty game,  
That I'm a Plain Jane,  
Compared to his past flame.  
I'm not like the one you loved.  
My heart is just not enough.  
I want to believe there's a place for us.  
But I am not the one you lust.


	57. The Fear

**The Fear**  
We resonate so well it's easy to believe,  
That we met a life before and spent until now in grieve.  
In your eyes, I see the other half of me,  
That I thought I lost long ago to the sea.  
But sometimes I feel like there is no point in us,  
If we're just fated to lose everything we trust.  
I'm scared, I don't want you to become just a memory.  
Maybe we're better off as just a fantasy.


	58. Mullings

**Mullings**  
I mull more than I speak,  
I'm dwelling on all the impossibilities.  
I'm dwelling on you and it's killing me.  
You're the savior and the heaven-sent,  
You're the devil and the demons.  
I'm not sure what I did in my past lives but I'm punished.  
I'm cursed to love and love is a death wish.  
I'd give anything to never feel like this.


	59. Negatives

**Negatives**  
I hate being outside in the world,  
Like a freak on a sideshow display.  
Please don't talk to me,  
I don't want to be ridiculed.  
I just want to shrink away.  
I want to pretend that laughter isn't directed at me.  
But it's a high possibility.  
I just want to never leave my home,  
I just want to be alone.  
Because negativity from strangers is all I've known.


	60. Envy

**Envy**  
I am not what I envy,  
And that's what spurs my jealousy.  
I want to be what's wanted,  
But I want to be me.  
Why can't there be any in-betweens?


	61. Monsters in the Mirror

**Monsters in the Mirror**  
I'm not fishing for pity or forgiveness.  
I know what I've done,  
I'm trying to be okay with this.  
I can't change the past.  
I can only change me.  
I try to be better,  
Than the creep I used to be.  
I'm way too torn up over what has been,  
Trying to right when I'm just wrong.  
I am the monster in the mirror,  
It's too late to rewrite my song.


	62. Gunshot

**Gunshot**  
Even if it meant putting myself through the ringer,  
I would let you press your barrel against my chest.  
I'm afraid but I trust you to not pull the trigger,  
And leave me a mess.  
My head is telling me I'm being stupid,  
But my heart is too blind.  
I've fallen victim to the arrow of Cupid.  
I want to believe that love is kind.


	63. Fixations

**Fixtations**  
Imprisoned by my own fixations.  
Some say love is a gift but it's just a burden.  
I am not one who can be loved so easily,  
And to have these feelings is just cruelty.  
Still I think of you more than not.  
It hurts to be what you don't want.  
But I get along.  
Soon you'll just be another thought long gone.


	64. Unwell

**Unwell**  
I want to be up front that I'm doing awful,  
But I don't want to be a handful.  
I'm just thankful people talk to me.  
Don't need those extra burdens to be.  
How do I just say what I mean?  
I'm sorry I'm not doing as well as I seem.


	65. Scars

**Scars**  
Can't find you anywhere tangible.   
But I'm sure that's the way you want it to be.  
But I still find you in my dreams,  
Years beyond the way we use to be.  
Baby, why am I so crazy?  
Guess we never felt the same,  
To make this a reality.  
Guess we were never meant to be.  
But you're still the ache in my heart.  
Permanently ingrained like a scar.


	66. Like Fire

**Like Fire**  
I want you to understand.  
The difference between imagining,  
And feeling your hand.  
It's like the day to the neverending night,  
I've just been searching for your fire,  
And it's in sight.  
I just can't grab it in my hands.  
But I can feel it when I dream,  
Duller on my skin like a fading tan.


	67. Liar

**Liar**  
There will never be an equilibrium in our system.  
We just float out in the open.  
Rocked in a storm, a deluge of emotion.  
It's from these tears that form an ocean.  
You took me and left my heart broken.  
It's truth that sets apart the fantasies.  
And I can no longer be sustained with lies of you and me.  
We just drift until you're out of sight.  
You never answer when I call and I think I know why.  
I was never a someone, just another nobody in your eyes.  
My mistake wanting you to want me in disguise.  
But the truth is, I'm the one who lied.  
Your heart was never mine but I still cry.  
And yet still, your eyes are dry.


	68. Special

**Special**  
It's hard for me to believe,  
That you would choose me in a world of so many.  
With so many options, it's amazing already.  
To love me for every little thing that makes me me.  
How special would that be?


	69. Love and it's Lies

**Love and it's Lies**  
We weren't meant to be,  
And I know I'm crazy.  
But you're still the pain in my heart.  
The agony and the anxiety.  
So much so, I can't breathe.  
How can we love so much,  
For it to lead to nothing but pain?  
Love is nothing like they claim.


	70. Princess Dreams

**Princess Dreams**  
Eight by ten, no space for two.  
Just a microwave and a bathroom.  
It's not going well and it only gets worse from here on.  
But I hear you on the phone and I'm gone.

No more princess dreams,  
Here I'm Cinderella on repeat.  
Except there's no balls, just bills and meat.  
And I don't make enough to pay for more than heat.

But I see you on the screen and wonder,  
If there's more than just an HD picture that divides us.  
We're both human but you're different.  
Like an angel in the midst.  
I see you and those childish dreams I cherished.  
Would you love me if I was a princess?


	71. Because I'm Afraid

**Because I'm Afraid**  
I think I was onto something,  
But I kept stumbling.  
It's a short way down to the bottom,  
Because I never allowed myself to climb higher.  
Because I'm afraid of disappointment.  
Because I'm afraid of what happens when I get to the top.  
Because I'm afraid of what happens when I get what I want.  
Because I'm a fraud who let fear control my heart.


	72. Natural Disaster

**Natural Disaster**  
When my cold meets your hot,  
We are a storm they can't stop.  
The natural chemical reaction,  
Between two between the sheets.  
We are a force of nature they can't deny.  
Loud like thunder, mother nature shudders.  
Only us as the world quakes.  
And we tear in two.  
We're just a natural disaster,  
Me and you.


	73. Devoid of Emotion

**Devoid of Emotion**  
Poetry in motion.  
My king, my devotion.  
The reason I'm devoid of emotion.  
I tear myself in two to please you,  
Because I can't accept that I'm not the one.  
Why do you leave when there's still so much to be done?


	74. Still

**Still**  
Don't talk to me like you care just to ease your guilt.  
While you stood there and watched me wilt.  
I wish I could just give you a taste of it too.  
Because I'm still angry when I think about you.  
When I needed you, you left.  
You can't even recall but every memory, I've kept.  
It's a shame you slipped through karma's hands.  
But all in all, I hope you enjoy your man.


	75. All Things

**All Things**  
I thought we could be something,  
But that was just me hallucinating.  
I'm just losing everything,  
But it's gonna be okay.  
Because all things come to an end.


	76. Songbird (Reprise)

**Songbird (Reprise)**  
Slowly, we fade into obscurity.  
Only visible in the blacklight.  
But I still trace the pages,  
Feeling where my pen blended with my sickness.  
A song left unfinished.


	77. Evermore

**Evermore**  
There's no amount of me,  
That will amount to anything.  
Not in your eyes that have seen everything.  
Isn't that just how it works?  
I can't complain,  
Because I lack the courage to change.  
It's easier to be what I am.  
And to be alone is the consequence.  
I don't want to have to change everything I am.  
So I guess this is all I'll ever be.


	78. Look

**Look**  
You just look right through me.  
I can't stand it but it's the way I am.  
It's the way I love.  
It's not enough.

I'm just trying to be what you want.  
I spend days thinking of words to say.  
Just to not say them.  
I just want you to look at me but it's like I'm not here.

I try to be cool but I'm lying.  
I toss out my feelings but I'm trying.  
I want to be what you want but I can't be.  
I just don't want you to look at me.

It hurts because I'd give all my luck.  
Just for you to give me a shot.  
Why did you look right at me and smile?  
I gush but that's not your style.

I'm off the deep end and it's effortless.  
I just sink deeper into the ocean.  
And I'm oddly okay with it.  
Because you can't see me here.


	79. Time Keeper

**Time Keeper**  
I'm no time keeper,  
Yet I still change time and time again.  
I don't know why I keep changing.  
If it's because I'm afraid or if you made me.  
But I keep changing nevertheless.

I let time slip through my hands,  
Not even trying to hold it any longer,  
Until your hands slip mine too.  
Where do I go with such dirty hands?  
Only time can tell.


	80. Her Fixation with the Moon

**Her Fixtation with the Moon**  
It's a punishment,  
It's what I pay,  
It's what I think about everyday.  
You're so far away,  
You can't stay.  
And it doesn't matter what I say.

It's everytime,  
I feel like I can fly,  
I feel happy enough to cry.  
I feel like I'm so fucking high.  
But its all just in my mind; the dread, the lies.

It's what I feel,  
When you're here.  
I can't have you near.  
And I come back to what I fear.

I can't keep it together,  
Because I'm just running in circles,  
Longing for nothing but a mirage in the distance.

I'm a prisoner to what I crave, depraved.  
Down in the pit, trapped in my chains.

Staring above at the moon, courting what can't be tamed


	81. Don't Let Go

**Don't Let Go.**  
I've never been with someone so sure.  
That I was worth waiting for.   
You make me forget how I'm insecure.  
Making me believe I'm destined for more.

Don't give up on me,  
I was just trudging my days away.  
But you make me forget my yesterday's,  
Making me believe that tomorrow will be my day.

Just don't give up on me.  
I'll get there, but I'm afraid.  
So don't let go.  
Just turn it low.  
And watch me glow.

I am what I am because you helped me grow.

Thank you for never letting go.


	82. After You

**After You**  
I hated the way my heart beat for you,  
Fast when I saw you still,  
Faster when I saw you with her.  
Too fast for my chest to hold.

Now it's become so old.  
When did this love become so cold?  
I don't know.  
Sometimes I wish I could go back to before I knew you.


	83. Great Expectations

**Great Expectations**  
Its hard to stand without crutches,  
So I crawl on my own.  
I can't afford lose face much as,  
I try to make it look like I'm okay.  
But I'm just upset things worked out this way.

My habitat turned into its own underworld,  
And I've surrounded myself with the unsavory,  
Became one in the process by laying my trust,  
With those who couldn't even bother to show.  
I yet I expect more.

Now I'm stuck debating if I'm just expecting,  
Too much from those around me.  
If I'm just greedy or if I'm justified,  
If I'm sane or just messed up inside,  
I crawl because no one came to my side.

I don't know where you find faces to trust,  
People to love and who will love you.  
If I'm just over-emotional for the unachievable,  
Or if there are people out there who will love me too.  
I just want to be supported like I've supported you.


	84. Addict

**Addict**  
I need to get myself off this,  
But I'm the addict that feeds on it.  
You elate me, but it's crazy,  
You can't even see me from where I stand.  
And yet I dream about you like it'll just happen.  
Why would a king take to a peasant,  
When he can make a queen?  
I hold onto you like logic has lost all meaning.  
I latch onto you because you're proof I haven't lost all feeling.


	85. Ugly

**Ugly**  
I don't want to look up,  
I'm scared you'll be looking at me.  
There's something so ugly about me.  
Skin deep and underneath.  
You tell me you want to look me in the eyes,  
While you delve inside.  
So I bite my lip to bide time.  
But when I look, there's no comfort to find.  
Just a sinking feeling in my stomach,  
That you'll see the me I see,  
Reflected in your eyes.


	86. Broken Mind

**Broken Mind**  
I'm on good terms with my bad crimes.  
I'm friends with the demons in my mind.  
They don't expect much,  
They just give me space.  
And they understand me well,  
So they get off my case.

I love the lifestyle I lead.  
Like an abandoned home in the midst of weeds.  
I love how my demons comfort me.  
I don't want to leave.  
I don't want to leave.  
So just don't leave me.


	87. Misplaced

**Misplaced**  
I never loved more than from afar.  
And I live the same.  
I guess that's naive in your eyes.  
I guess that's a waste of time.  
I don't know what to do with my life.  
I don't know what value I have in mine.  
I know it's what you put into it,  
But I feel like I'm just spinning in place.  
How do I move forward?  
How do I escape?


	88. Reset

**Reset**  
I don't know if I can go back,  
To what I was before.  
I miss the unwarranted praise,  
The ease of it's ways,  
But things are too different.  
Just to push reset,  
It's too easy.  
It's just a fantasy.


	89. Blinded

**Blinded**  
Like a flame,  
Your tender warmth keeps me alive,  
And scorches me all the same.  
There is no middle ground,  
Between the tsunami and the drizzle.  
Or the tornado and the subtle breeze.  
I love you but you destroy me.  
I just want to live in your meadows,  
Without fears of being crushed.  
But that's asking too much.  
I'm already too blinded by my love.


	90. Disrespected

**Disrespected**  
I still think about you,  
And none of those thoughts are positive.  
You left me when I needed you.  
Now you try to suck up to me.  
Try to bow down to the queen?  
Why do you continue to disrespect me,  
By thinking I would turn back to you?  
You must think I'm an idiot too.


	91. Persephone

**Persephone**  
Who was I before you?  
A patchwork of emotions and dreams,  
Part of the light,  
Like petals in the wind,  
I float aimlessly with no purpose.  
Just a child of the Earth,  
Destined to remain unchanged.

Where would I be without you?  
Mixmatched in the crowd.  
Another bud in the meadow.  
Now I've bloomed under the harshest of winters.  
Sheltered by your warmth,  
Nurtured under your care,  
I've become a queen.


	92. Pain

**Pain**  
I don't know why I care,  
To the point I compare,  
Myself and her as if there's something there.  
It doesn't matter because I'll never be with you anywhere,  
In anyway,  
As if it matters what I say.  
I'm just a stranger from where I lay.  
But I still care and I still stay.  
I'm just in love with pain.  
And I have only myself to blame.


	93. Ways of Nature

**Ways of Nature**  
Defective and protective,  
Over objects I don't own.  
I'm a nut by the ways of nature,  
And that is all I know.  
I don't know how far I'll go,  
I don't know how far I've come.  
I don't know if I'm pain,  
I don't know if this is love.  
I just know that by the ways of nature,  
That I want what I can't have.  
But all I want is to be loved,  
By someone else's hand.


	94. Old Why's

**Old Why's**  
Been working all night for a new high,  
I just keep coming back to my old why's.  
You always tell me you love me.  
You always tell me I'm somebody.  
You always tell me what I want to hear.  
But you're only here when I'm here.  
And I don't know if I care anymore.  
I just like the way you move me.  
I just like the way you soothe me.  
I'm just in it for the high,  
And you're just in.  
This is all I think about.  
Our life in sin.  
Where you're the only one who wins.


	95. Missing Out

**Missing Out**  
You'll never experience this love,  
And It's all your fault.  
Don't say I didn't put myself out for you.  
You'll never be part of two.  
At least not with me.  
And that's just so foolish of you.

It's like two parts vanity,  
One part insanity,  
When I say that you're missing out on me.  
But there's that one part that screams,  
You made the right choice passing on me.  
That I'm just chasing a dream.

And that may be true.  
I'm just feeling blue,  
That she might be a perfect fit for you.  
And I just lie back, writing.  
Withering and lying to myself,  
That you're missing out on a fool.


	96. Real Love

**Real Love**  
In a world where I self perceive,  
That I've been abandoned by everyone,  
And everything I used to know,  
I've always known that I'm loved by one,  
It's the reason I could never hate what is me,  
Because I'm all I've ever had,  
And all I continue to be.


	97. Dust in the Wind

**Dust in the Wind**  
You're an insensitive man,  
And I wish I loved you enough to tell you so.  
But there's no reason to.  
The only person you ever loved was you.  
And that's the way you'll see life through


	98. Thanks

**Thanks**  
The uptake is easier said than faced.  
I lose more and more everyday.  
But I'm no fountain.  
I can't regenerate.  
I can only do when it chooses to be.  
But it's running from me.  
And I don't know how to catch it.  
I just want to please everyone and everything.  
All I'm doing is chasing dreams.  
I spend my time thinking if this is me.  
Am I chasing the dreams that's aren't meant to be?  
I just want to be someone you're proud to see.


	99. Lectures

**Lectures**  
I always hear about what people don't like about me.  
I'm just borderline, too kind.  
Standards, too high.  
They spare no kind lies.  
My demons also dwell on the outside.  
In the faces of the people I know,  
Under the guise of caring friends,  
Who don't know the difference between them and me,  
Or what their words are even for.  
Isn't it funny how the spoken word is so abused?  
If you really cared,  
You'd give me more than just a lecture.  
But I guess that's too much effort for perfection.


	100. Underneath the Line

**Underneath the Line**  
This life will never turn a profit.  
I'm always chasing my tail.  
I'm always forsaking my pleasures,  
Replacing with paper,  
Replacing with stressors.  
There are no better pressures,  
Than the life we live,  
Underneath the line.


	101. This Way (Incense)

**This Way (Incense)**  
Days turn to weeks and it's months later.  
I still hang my head from the window.  
My mind fogs with the burning incense.  
The contradictory flavor.  
It takes me back.  
I'm calm.   
I'm happy.  
I can't deal with that.  
I can't go back but I regress anyway.  
Burn all my progress away.  
Just to feel you in my day.  
I hate that I'm this way.


	102. I Don't Know

**I Don't Know**  
I don't know,  
Maybe I'm looking for something imperfect,  
Similar but not the same.  
I don't know,  
Why do I fixate?  
There's no debate that I'm crazy for you.  
I don't know,  
Why I can't get over you.  
I always fall again for you.  
And I don't know,  
Why is it always you?  
Guess you make me feel like it's okay to be messed up too.


	103. Shh

**Shh**  
I'm upset,  
That I live the life I was met.  
That I live in the cage I've been kept.  
I can't escape and I'm afraid,  
Of all I know is next.  
There's pain and there's no happiness.  
Berating, hate, and nothingness.  
Out of pocket, out of time, excessive stress.  
It's a shame how life deals it's cards.  
We never chose for life to be this hard.  
We're only told to fight our demons.  
For whatever reasons.  
But there are too many to fight alone.  
I just want to go home.


	104. For You, Always

**For You, Always**  
Where do you go when you hide?   
When your eyes glaze over,   
And instinct overcomes you.  
King of hearts, lost in the commotion.  
Where did hell take your mind?  
What fury held your heart?  
But I'll follow you into the dark.  
And bring you back with my touch.  
Just know, wherever you hide,  
I'll run after you,  
Interlace, intertwined,  
Your hands with mine.  
I'll always come back for you.  
It has always been all for you.


	105. Say Insane

**Say Insane**  
I always find myself holding back,  
Not saying what I want to say.  
Backspacing.  
Hiding myself away.  
Timeline's only so long.  
Caught between two dates.  
Life's too short to be so tame.  
So in the context of love,  
I'll shout your name.  
Even if you don't love me back.  
Even if it makes me sound insane.


	106. Love Me Properly

**Love Me Properly**  
At this point,  
If anyone were to love me properly,  
I think my heart would burst entirely.  
Killing me harshly.  
But honestly,  
I wouldn't want to die any other way.


	107. Dancing with the Devil

**Dancing with the Devil**  
The demons turn to love me,  
More than what anyone has shown me.  
Treat me with the kindness lackluster in angels.  
My world is upside sideways.  
But I've known no other.  
I sing with sinners and blend with the under commoners,  
And dance with the devil as my lover. 

Don't deny me with those words.  
"Heaven-sent" and proverbs.  
I'd shed my wings if it were true.  
I've never felt more at home than when I'm with you.  
They say you are who you mingle,  
And if I am, then I'm moved.  
Because I dance joyfully as the dark queen with the devil as my husband,  
And hell as my home too. 


	108. Just Keep Swimming

**Just Keep Swimming**  
You're only here to share the line when your fav celeb dies.  
You don't care otherwise.  
You're out here telling me home remedies,  
For my chemical deficiency.  
That's not how that works,  
And you should be ashamed, not me.  
This is a process,  
So don't hate those struggling to progress.  
This is an expense,  
And some struggle to afford it.  
So don't hate us,  
Saying we're not trying.  
While you're out there flying.  
You don't know and you'll never know.  
You just preach from the comfort of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you.


	109. The Consequences of Isolation

**The Consequences of Isolation**  
I can't really relate to you,  
The same way I did at twenty-two.  
Or even earlier this year.  
I change but I change into a darker fear.  
I keep trying to protect myself,  
With my walls and quotes of self help.  
But I'm not swimming, I'm just sinking.  
Isolating myself into my backwards thinking.  
Lashing out and I know it's undeserving.  
But I don't know how to start a heart that stopped working.


	110. Inhumane

**Inhumane**  
Everyday I'm faced with obstacles inhumane,  
I wonder if it will ever get better.   
Why are people so evil?   
I don't know.   
They say that the strongest can strive in a world so dark,  
Armed with their light intact.  
I don't think I'm that strong.   
I don't know.   
All I know is that I don't want to remember,  
And I'm fine with forgetting.


	111. Dealing Demons

**Dealing Demons**  
Receipts less than pleasantly present,   
An unfamiliar me who now repents.  
I don't deny dealing demons,   
Nor will I hide the spade from those who have seen it.  
I was the devil in disguise,  
And I apologise to those who I've hurt in my demise.  
I can only stay the devil so long as I refuse to recall,   
And learn from where I've lapsed so I can stand tall.  
I'm always progressing, stumbling and all,  
But it's part of the progress to make peace even when I fall.


	112. Severable

**Severable**  
I'm not really feeling like I should,  
I'm worried I'll never feel good.  
Isn't it silly that I spent days,  
Telling my feelings to go away,  
Only to worry when it results in the inevitable?  
Why was my happiness so easily severable?


	113. Not Good Enough

**Not Good Enough**  
No room for improvement,  
When there's no movement,  
To get better when all I do,  
Is get on myself for not being as great as you.  
We're similar but not the same,  
It's not a contest or a game.  
I know I'm not good,  
But that's enough to keep at it.  
I don't want to regret what I could be,  
Because I thought that I couldn't.  
I don't want to be the me that could,  
But wouldn't.  
I don't want to be the me who just regrets,  
Just because I couldn't reach the standards preset.  
I can only be the best me,  
When I stop trying to be what I see.


	114. The Simplicity of Compliance in Mediocrity

**The Simplicity of Compliance in Mediocrity**  
We hide from what we crave the most.   
It's simple to stay the same.   
We succumb to fear,   
Rather than feel shame.   
We wonder,   
Do you feel the same?   
And yet, no words are ever exchanged.


	115. Insecurities

**Insecurities**  
How can I see differently,   
With everyone as my mirror?   
I know I'm unconventional,   
But am I a beauty?   
That, I can't see.   
I can only see the me others treat me to be.


	116. How the Night Works

**How the Night Works**  
I know how the night works.   
Greed and lust intertwined.   
I don't want to hold on too tight.   
But my body does what it wills.   
We were not meant to see daylight.   
We can only be so lucky in this moment.   
And in this moment, it's just right.   
I know how the night works.   
But if I just close my eyes,   
Would it be enough to stop time?


End file.
